June 20, 2011

Dumb, Dumb, Dumb,Dumb......DUUUUUUUUUUUUMB

I'm 4 weeks post op. I awoke feeling myself for the first time! Had a cup of coffee with my dad and uncle (they were visiting) and my hubby.. Off they went. I emptied the dishwasher. I still felt ok. I put the pot roast in the crock pot. Still ok. Bent down to pick up a box containing a shower gift, and oh NO! I felt the pull from the base of my spine all the way up to my neck! Stupid me! I hobbled back up stairs and got in bed. I tried holding off on the pain medication. I got in a hot shower figuring it would help relax my tightened muscles. It did for a little bit. But then the pain came back. I broke a vicodin in half and swallowed it with some soda. Got through the rest of the day and evening with minimal pain. As my muscles started to tense up again, I decided to have a half a glass of wine. It did the trick and the pain subsided for a couple of hours. Night time came and my spine started to scream and I mean loud! It was like someone was squeezing my spinal cord. The pain shot to my left shoulder and down the back of my left leg. I really hope I didn't screw something up inside. I pushed myself too hard. Why do I do that? When will I learn? But I felt so incredibly good this morning and now I feel worse than I felt two weeks ago. I took another vicodin. Nothing! It didn't even touch the pain. I waited for over an hour with no relief. So, I took a muscle relaxer. Nothing! Pain can drive you out of your mind. Now I feel nervous thinking I pulled something or did some damage. For a moment I ask "why do I ALWAYS have to physically suffer"? I pull my thoughts together and talk myself out of feeling sorry for myself. That's life! It's as simple as that. Everyone suffers. It's part of life. Unfortunately, sometimes that suffering dominates our thoughts and lives. I won't let it. Negativity always makes me feel worse. I wrestle a little bit to stay positive and hope that tomorrow will bring me some relief. I write this post, tuck myself in bed and turn off the light. I hope I can sleep through the sharp, stabbing pains and I pray that morning comes quickly.

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