September 18, 2013
Being diagnosed with EDS(Ehlers Danlos Syndrome) has brought many emotions to the surface of my life. Part of me is relieved that my search is over. There is a strange sense of closure. I have had to accept some difficult realities. I allowed my nursing license to lapse. I have accepted the fact that I will no longer be able to return to my profession. Even though in the back of my mind, I knew it was a long-shot, I still clung to hope. Hope is a wonderful thing. Even though things don't always work out the way you'd like, hope keeps you going in a positive direction. By nature I am a realist so I am accepting my limitations and trying my hardest to work within them. I don't know what my future holds so I have to grasp each day and make the best of it. I no longer want to postpone anything. I have always wanted to visit Italy. It's my heritage and has fashioned me into who I am today. I can't allow my limitations to stop me anymore. I will figure out how I can accomplish it by my 50 th birthday. My husband is concerned because I have trouble walking, but I feel, where there is a will, there IS a way. I don't want to waste any more time. Time has become very precious to me. I want to spend it with those I love and with those who love me. I no longer want to engage in anyone else's drama. Drama causes stress, and stress causes more pain and even time spent in bed. Over the past year I find myself less tolerant to stressors and stressful people. I just don't want to be bothered with petty issues. I want my life to be filled with purpose and laughter. I want to be around positive, fun people. Negativity is something that I have always easily absorbed from others. I actually feel it physically. Perhaps some of these new found feelings and attitudes are a result of my accepting my condition and perhaps some just come with growing older. I am beginning to feel a sense of freedom I have never experienced before and I think I like it.