September 18, 2013
I think I've turned a corner.
Being diagnosed with EDS(Ehlers Danlos Syndrome) has brought many emotions to the surface of my life. Part of me is relieved that my search is over. There is a strange sense of closure. I have had to accept some difficult realities. I allowed my nursing license to lapse. I have accepted the fact that I will no longer be able to return to my profession. Even though in the back of my mind, I knew it was a long-shot, I still clung to hope. Hope is a wonderful thing. Even though things don't always work out the way you'd like, hope keeps you going in a positive direction. By nature I am a realist so I am accepting my limitations and trying my hardest to work within them. I don't know what my future holds so I have to grasp each day and make the best of it. I no longer want to postpone anything. I have always wanted to visit Italy. It's my heritage and has fashioned me into who I am today. I can't allow my limitations to stop me anymore. I will figure out how I can accomplish it by my 50 th birthday. My husband is concerned because I have trouble walking, but I feel, where there is a will, there IS a way. I don't want to waste any more time. Time has become very precious to me. I want to spend it with those I love and with those who love me. I no longer want to engage in anyone else's drama. Drama causes stress, and stress causes more pain and even time spent in bed. Over the past year I find myself less tolerant to stressors and stressful people. I just don't want to be bothered with petty issues. I want my life to be filled with purpose and laughter. I want to be around positive, fun people. Negativity is something that I have always easily absorbed from others. I actually feel it physically. Perhaps some of these new found feelings and attitudes are a result of my accepting my condition and perhaps some just come with growing older. I am beginning to feel a sense of freedom I have never experienced before and I think I like it.