September 18, 2013

I think I've turned a corner.

Being diagnosed with EDS(Ehlers Danlos Syndrome) has brought many emotions to the surface of my life.  Part of me is relieved that my search is over.  There is a strange sense of closure.  I have had to accept some difficult realities.  I allowed my nursing license to lapse.  I have accepted the fact that I will no longer be able to return to my profession.  Even though in the back of my mind, I knew it was a long-shot, I still clung to hope.  Hope is a wonderful thing.  Even though things don't always work out the way you'd like, hope keeps you going in a positive direction. By nature I am a realist so I am accepting my limitations and trying my hardest to work within them.  I don't know what my future holds so I have to grasp each day and make the best of it.  I no longer want to postpone anything.  I have always wanted to visit Italy. It's my heritage and has fashioned me into who I am today.  I can't allow my limitations to stop me anymore.  I will figure out how I can accomplish it by my 50 th birthday.  My husband is concerned because I have trouble walking, but I feel, where there is a will, there IS a way.  I don't want to waste any more time.  Time has become very precious to me.  I want to spend it with those I love and with those who love me.  I no longer want to engage in anyone else's drama.  Drama causes stress, and stress causes more pain and even time spent in bed.  Over the past year I find myself less tolerant to stressors and stressful people.  I just don't want to be bothered with petty issues.  I want my life to be filled with purpose and laughter.  I want to be around positive, fun people.  Negativity is something that I have always easily absorbed from others.  I actually feel it physically. Perhaps some of these new found feelings and attitudes are a result of my accepting my condition and perhaps some just come with growing older.  I am beginning to feel a sense of freedom I have never experienced before and I think I like it.

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